| Going into one of those moods... |
[May. 28th, 2008|12:35 am] |
"All around me the broken asphalt said that these trees were winning a war."
- Timothy Conigrave, Holding The Man |
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| Who can do it? Wiccan do it! (get it? hahaha. lame-o) |
[Oct. 31st, 2007|10:51 pm] |
Just so people don't think I'm dead...(on halloween, no less)
I'm gonna admit that i've a fascination with So You Think You Can Dance. All that graceful fluidity. Jealous.
Also, everyone has to go watch Once. It's a fantastic movie - real and gripping, and the songs are amazing.
And because I'm too lazy to do those hyperlinks thingy, go google it yourself.
Be good all. |
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| the last kiss |
[Jul. 19th, 2007|11:43 pm] |
| [ | mindtrip |
| |  weird | ] |
"I could be your last chance at happiness." |
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| sex |
[Feb. 17th, 2007|03:28 am] |
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awkwardness is secondary to impulse. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 29th, 2006|02:04 am] |
"I'll be back."
"I'll be here." |
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| basic etiquette |
[Sep. 16th, 2006|12:12 am] |
| [ | mindtrip |
| |  irritated | ] |
What is it with people and msn?
Why don't they even bother to just say a simple 'hello' or something?
Even if u're busy, it doesn't take too long to reply to a greeting, or a question.
Am seriously not impressed with people who don't take the time to maintain a decent convo, and just closes the chat window.
Bastards. |
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| what do u let go of? |
[Sep. 14th, 2006|04:36 pm] |
| [ | mindtrip |
| |  contemplative | ] |
If u've known me for some years now...u would know that i, more often than not, wear something on my left arm. Not a watch, not a ring; but a wristband. These days, it's that brown leather cord i bought during my trip to japan last year. And before that, it was this elastic sponge/wooden beads thing that i really liked.
That said bracelet kept with me till end 2004, during my trip to KL with charmaine. It had snapped before, but that was in my house...so all i did was run an elastic band through it and it was fixed. But...that trip...heh. Didn't even realise that i had lost it till some time later.
It was a part of me. Everywhere i went, it went along. And now, having lost it over a year ago, i got around to thinking: what do we leave behind when we move on in life?
To me, that bracelet represented a part of my life. My life while serving the army, my first year in sydney, the friends i had made during that period of time, the emotional ups and downs. I feel, now, as though that it was some cosmic incident that made me lose it, to let go of the past and move on.
Everyone of us has that something we got to leave behind to move forward. It may be something personal, something emotional, something inanimate - as long as it's something that holds some significance to you. But that's just life, u know? One has to lose something to gain something. For me, i do not really know what that band represented for me, but i do know that it was important to me. Maybe it was my youth, my immaturity, my inability to let things go, my foolishness of thinking that a single spark can rekindle a blazing fire. Maybe it was time to let go; giving me the space and freedom to grow. Who knows?
But whatever happens, we always find something else to replace it - a reminder of things that were. I had mentioned something similiar once, here. So, my current leather cord is a faint reminder of that sponge/bead bracelet, perhaps showing my reluctance to not let go of the past. But depending on how u see it, it's either a reluctance; or an indication of one's past, and your moving on. There are some lessons in life that u've learnt that u should never forget, and maybe, just maybe, those memorabilia are fragments of those lessons learnt. |
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| does wanting to cook and clean the house signify the start of old age? |
[Sep. 4th, 2006|12:56 am] |
| [ | musicology |
| | the killers - all these things that i've done | ] |
Help, i'm becoming domesticated!
It all started last week with me saying how i'd cook for the newtowners on thurs, and for the pre-party dinner on fri. It's scary how within this week, i've gone grocery shopping more times than i have throughout the entire year. Of course, snack-shopping (ie: chips, sweets, lollies, drinks, canned tuna, canned soups, frozen pies) ain't considered... and just so u ppl don't think that i buy my meals everyday, it's just that grocery shopping is charmaine's and val's duty, i just pay for my share of the groceries.
But anyways, yeah...so it began with me going down to coles on mon and wed to buy stuff, and operation: jap curry commenced on thurs evening, after me gym session. Wasn't too bad...dumped in beef, onions, capsicums and carrots and fried them, before stewing them (everything's easy when there's a recipe, and the curry's a pre-mix).
The most of fri was spent baking what's commonly known as "the only dish alex can cook": Shepherd's Pie. Ever since coming to syd, it seems to be the only dish that ppl can associate me with. But i CAN cook! I just need a recipe to follow. I'll show them one day...*mutters* So yeah, while waiting for the potatoes to boil, i decided to give my house a good cleaning. With the help of alot of elbow grease, windex, ajax spray 'n wipe, and the trusty ol' vacuum cleaner, i got my place looking cleaner and neater than it was some hours back.
Fri nite...Selwyn's and Val's party! Was good though, just kicking back, drinking lotsa beer, and mingling with friends and acquaintances and strangers. The amount of beer drunk was kinda scary though, 100 bottles amongst 30 ppl or so! And that's not including the tequila, rum and vodka that was polished off halfway through the party. And naturally, there were some buggers who brought cheap beer and smooched off our good stuff. Assholes.
Sat was free and easy, with me basically just staying home during the day, getting lunch at cordial and coffee at campos. Dinner at gene's was fantastic! Gene, the whiz that he is, cooked up this dish that looked like it could have come out of a restaurant! It was basically steamed chicken, on a bed of spanish onions, poached pears and rocket leaves, with some fried sweet potato skins thrown on top. God, that was good.
After-dinner plans consisted of the 4 of us (gene, craig, greg, and me) heading to the columbian as well as the shift downstairs to kill some time before going on upstairs. I think i'm gonna swear off downstairs for a while now. The music and eye candy at both the columbian and shift upstairs is so much more better!! No more crappy handbag MTV music, but good heavy house beats. Bliss.
We were there till abt 6-ish this morn, after which i took a cab home...but couldn't sleep till like 8. It was funny how gene and i were up chatting away on msn. Had i known i wasn't going to be able to sleep, i would have just gone over to his place to chat rather than over msn. Didn't sleep for long though, woke up sometime ard 12. And strangely...even though i've been up the whole day, i'm still not sleepy! Well, i actually kinda am...so after posting this, i'll prolly crash.
So there, my weekend as detailed. God, i hope i get out of this domesticated house-band phase soon...i don't want my life to revolve around cleaning, categorising the foodstuff in my fridge by the dewey decimal system, cooking and scrubbing the toiletbowl. Urgh. |
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| musings |
[Aug. 30th, 2006|12:13 am] |
| [ | mindtrip |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | musicology |
| | cobra starship - snakes on a plane (bring it) | ] |
Been asked some very weird questions over the past few days, and thought i shd jot them down. Rather funny actually...hehe.
Musing 1
Mark: Is that your original hair colour?
Me: Erm....yeah? U know i'm asian, right?
Mark: Yeah, but it's...SO black! How did u get it so black??
Me: Erm...right...
Weird... like, hello! I'm asian.
Musing 2
During jap culture class...
Tracy: Hey, how old are u?
Me: Oh ho ho, i'm old.
Tracy: How old? 20?
Me: Erm...higher?
Tracy: 21?
Me: Higher.
Yvonne: (watching the convo going on) 23?
Me: Hahaha...higher.
Tracy: (pitch going up a notch) 25?
Me: Nah...24.
Tracy: OMG??? U're 24? U don't look 24!
Yvonne: Yeah, u look so much younger!
Tracy: I thought u were like 20. Or like 18, but cuz u're smart u entered uni early. (Turning to Adam and writing the number 24 on her palm and showing it to him) Adam! Adam! What do u think this is?
Adam: (pauses) 24?
Tracy: That's his age! (pointing to me)
Adam: What?
Hahahaha. I'm 18? 20? As it is, asians look younger than caucasians...but these were asians who were asking me my age! Thank god for youthful looks, i guess. *grin*
PS: this song rocks! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 27th, 2006|02:27 am] |
It's funny how when i flew back to sydney early this yr, i couldn't find the photo kang and i took together. No matter how hard i looked, and knowing that i had brought it back to syd with me, i just couldn't find it. And now, months after his visit to syd and of non-contact, i open Rilke to find it inside.
The ironies of life huh? To think that he was the one who introduced the book to me; and when i'm feeling a lil dejected, i find that photo. |
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| insomnia |
[Aug. 27th, 2006|02:19 am] |
| [ | mindtrip |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | musicology |
| | sophie b. hawkins - as i lay me down | ] |
Whenever i'm lost and need some guidance in my life, Rilke's Letters to a Young Poet never fails to help me seek peace. |
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| transitions |
[Jul. 25th, 2006|01:05 am] |
| [ | mindtrip |
| | pensive | ] |
| [ | musicology |
| | ben folds five - the luckiest | ] |
It's how funny things have worked out over this period of a month. I came back to sg to get away from it all in sydney... to just put what had happened all behind me, take a breather, and step off to a fresh new start for my final semester. I was looking forward to coming back, in more ways than one; so it's funny how now i want to go back to sydney to get away from sg.
It's not an escapism theory of mine, but sometimes, one just has to leave everything behind, get a new perspective, come back, and brave the storm. Val and i had just discussed this today. Many will think that we're lucky to have parents who are able to afford to send us overseas, and we agree. But if we had known that it would entail so much emotions, i would rather skip the traveling to and fro. I mean, i left sydney to get some stuff out of my head...and now, i gotta go back to syd to do the same thing. I thought sg was gonna be my haven, and everything will be good here, but now, syd's gonna be my haven.
I blame alot of what's going on to fate. Fate deals a cruel hand. During my time in sg, i tried, very hard, to accomplish some stuff. But one cannot order fate. Likewise, one cannot order something to happen to one's accordance. If i had a choice, i would have liked to stay on in sg and see how some things play out, and how somethings will fizzle out. But we do not argue with fate. The powers-that-be determine the course we take, it's all pre-determinism. Once we strap ourselves into the seat, we're taken on a journey that won't stop till it reaches its destination.
I've experienced slight happiness, as well as disappointment. It may be a defense mechanism of others, but i think that ppl don't understand how that can hurt others. i know i've done it before, and i've apologised to those whom i've hurt. I think what's wrong with this world is that ppl do not let others know what is going on in their lives. If we only spoke to each other, let the other party know how we feel and what's going on in our lives, it would save us from a lot of heartache.
There are some stuff i'm not going to let go of, even when i'm back in syd. I may not believe in many things, but those that i do, i believe and cling to them mightily. I do not know how things will change in 4 months' time; it might be for the better, it might be for the worse. But for now, i would like things to just simmer. Lotsa thoughts are running through my head, and i do not know how to put many of it down to words. Sometimes i feel like just popping some SSRIs, letting go and enjoying the happy haze that comes.
Sigh...i hate flying, u know that? |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 12th, 2006|01:03 am] |
| [ | mindtrip |
| |  melancholy | ] |
| [ | musicology |
| | jeff buckley - hallelujah | ] |
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah |
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| introspective |
[May. 5th, 2006|05:38 pm] |
| [ | mindtrip |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | musicology |
| | scissor sisters - laura | ] |
You know, it's funny how once you're not blinded by yourself, you see everything so differently. Situations, events, feelings, emotions, thoughts: they're all bathed in a new light; either that or stripped bare of the pretenses that you yourself imposed on them. |
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| who am i? |
[Apr. 20th, 2006|12:14 am] |
| [ | mindtrip |
| | groggy | ] |
| [ | musicology |
| | joni mitchell - come in from the cold | ] |
I am that little boy you see at the corner, crying for his mother.
I am that little boy you see at the playground, toys and sand keeping him company.
I am the child who refuses to come in from the rain, letting it soak through his porous skin.
I am the child whose smile shows the innocence of youth, the ignorance of the world.
I am the one who calls out to you: Don't leave me now. Stay. Be with me.
I am the man with his bags packed, standing by the train, waving goodbye.
I am the man who steals a glance behind, not wanting to say goodbye to all that he's leaving behind.
I am that little boy still, calling for you.
Don't leave me now.
Stay.
Be with me. |
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| the heart is a lonely hunter |
[Mar. 12th, 2006|02:05 pm] |
| [ | mindtrip |
| | relaxed | ] |
| [ | musicology |
| | sugbabes - i bet you look good on the dancefloor | ] |
When her hands hunted out these beautiful new sounds it was the best feeling she had ever known. |
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| the heart is a lonely hunter |
[Mar. 3rd, 2006|11:18 pm] |
| [ | mindtrip |
| | rejected | ] |
| [ | musicology |
| | kelly clarkson - break away | ] |
It's strange, sitting here typing on livejournal while my friends are all downstairs having a smoke and happily chatting away. I guess it's good to have some time alone, but when u're with yourself, somehow a feeling of loneliness and regret comes over you. And that sucks, big time.
Maybe that's why i'm always at charmaine's or val's, cuz i know that if i'm alone all the time, i might just break down and cry. I am not that strong a person, i've come to realise. There are things that i can't do by myself; i can't always be there for others if i'm not there for myself.
There are some things in life that i want, but can never get.
Sometimes, in my foolishness, I just wish that, for just a short moment in time, i can have what i want. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 3rd, 2006|12:17 am] |
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blind and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind but then I knew it,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow. |
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